First: Become a better communication partner
It is easier for you to learn to communicate differently than it is for your child. Work on changing your own habitual pattern of communication so that your are a better communication partner even before you try to teach your child new communication skills. Learn the 3 Rules.
Why are the 3 Rules important?
Imagine yourself learning a foreign language. You are suddently set down in a new country with no translator. What 3 things would help you learn the language most quickly? Right. It would help if the locals would use short sentences, not ask you a bunch of questions that you were unable to answer, and if they would show you what they meant.
But what if my child understands everything I say?
Here is the bad news: Your child understands less, not more than you think. That is the nature of the language problem for 99% of all children with ASD. But suppose your child does understand more than he or she can say. Even so, it will be easier for your child to copy what you say if you use shorter sentences.
But what if my child just doesn't listen?
Here is the good news: Your child will listen to you more, try to imitate what you say more often, and enjoy interaction with you more if you will use the 3 Rules. Many children simply stop paying attention to language because it is so hard to understand. Make it easier though, and those same children will tune in.
How do I learn these 3 Rules?
Short sentences: You can communicate the same idea with fewer words. 1) "Anna, honey, I have too much in my hands so could you do mommy a favor and bring that pile of socks upstairs?" 2) "Anna (placing a pile of socks in her arms), help Mommy, come upstairs (lead the way)."
Rule of Thumb: Use sentences 1 to 3 words longer than your child's average sentence. This rule does not include Scripted Language.
What if almost every sentence I say is a question?
This is the pattern of almost every parent that I see and most parents, even trying hard to change this pattern takes about three weeks to get good at telling rather than asking. E.g. telling is "This is a Kitty". Asking is "What is this?"
Reduce Questions to Real Questions: In normal, daily conversation, only ask your child a question if your child knows the answer and you don't already know the answer. "Do you want juice or milk?" is a real question. "What color is this?" is a mini test because you already know what color it is. If you want to teach your child new vocabulary, teach your child new vocabulary.
Show your child what you mean
Use demonstrations, visual supports, and Scripted Language to help your child understand what you mean.
Demonstrations: You should be saying "Just Watch! I will show you" so often that your child tunes right in when you say this and watches what you do next. Use a visual support or visual reminder such as a photo of two eyes to tell your child to look.
You can also casually demonstrate the meaning of things as you talk about what you are doing. E.g. "Here is juice. Mommy will pour juice. Just a little bit. Not too much. Oh! You want more. You can say "More juice". Mommy will pour just a little juice. More? You are thirsty! Mommy will pour a LOT!" This strategy is called Parallel Talk. It is where you talk about what you are doing as you do things. Remember the Rule of Thumb though and use the right length sentences.
Visual Supports: Visual supports are anything visual that helps your child understand. There are many web sites devoted to the discussion of Visual Supports and I highly recommend that you investigate these. I use pictures, and obviously I use video clips, and I use written language as soon as my kiddo's show an interest. I will add more to this section in the near future.
Scripted Language: Scripted Language is a set of words or phrases that your child can come to understand simply because you say it so often. After your chid hears these often enough, you use these scripts so that your child to help your child tune in and understand even if most of what everyone says is still incomprehensible. You might start with just a couple or three little scripts that you use with many, many games and activities. You gradually add more of these scripted phrases as you see that your child understands.
For example, an early scripted langauge routine is often "Ready, set, go!" which you teach to mean, "something is going to happen here!" Many of the video clips on this web site include language routines. When you use language routines, you will use the exact same words, said, perhaps even in the exact same way, so that your child becomes familiar with the word combination and the melody of the phrase. "Uh Oh!" means that something bad just happened. "Yikes!" means the same thing. But with children who are just learning to put words together, you may not want to have too many ways to say that something bad just happened. Restrict yourself to "Uh Oh!" and "Yikes" and use these instead of "Oh...What happened now?" and "This is a mess!" and the thousand and one other ways that you could discuss a recent disaster. As your child learns more language, you add more language routines and more original language--again remembering to use demonstrations and careful observation to ensure that your child understands what you mean as you talk. The goal is that your child will come to see you as a person who is easy to understand.
Why don't I have the word "more" on the list?
Did you notice that I did not put "more" on the list? This is because the word "more" often ends up being a cognitive pothole word. It works so well that your child will use it for everything and use it instead of other words. It means "I want something" "Activate that toy" "Do it again." "I want another one" "please" "go" "give me". I like to teach specific words, if possible, for the things that children really want.
What about sign language?
About Signing: By all meanslearn and use ASL signs or use the Baby Signs if your child has trouble imitating signs since these are a little less challenging in terms of motor skills! Use ASL signs along with demonstrations, visual supports and Scripted Language Routines. The aim is that you increase your child's understanding when you communicate with your child. A few useful signs are explained at this site. Many other sites on the Internet will help you lean useful signs.
